The Result
by Two Drunk Sicilians
Summary: ~Chapter 5 up~ It all started with a sip... then, they asked for more. The story wrote itself. Presented to you by Two Drunk Sicilian Girls...The Moulin M*A*S*H! The freakish result...of when two Sicilian Girls Drink too much sake! R&R...if you dare!
1. Martini Time!

Disclaimer: Satine, Zidler, Christian, and other Moulin Rouge characters belong to whomever the person is that created them and/or owns the rites to them. Franklin Marion "Ferret Face" Burns, Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Trapper John McIntyre, BJ Hunnicutt, Peg Hunnicutt, Sherman T. Potter, Charles Emerson Winchester III, Margaret Julia "Hot Lips" Houlihan, Kellye Nakahara, Linda Nuget, Walter Eugene "Radar" O'Riley, and any other M*A*S*H characters belong to Richard Hooker and/or Larry Gelbart. Daphne DuBois and Lydia Hollingsworth, however, are copyright 2002, and totally our property. We are not making any money off of this fiction. If we were, this would be a published book.

_Authors' Note_: This may not seem to be a Moulin Rouge fic at the beginning. That is because it is a Moulin Rouge/M*A*S*H/Real Life crossover. It does not begin to turn Rouge until Chapter Three. To understand completely, read all the way through.

Chapter One: Martini Time!

      It was an ordinary summer day for Lydia Hollingsworth, a short, voluptuous, girl, of about twenty-one, with raven hair and black eyes. Lydia, being extremely bored, lay on her bed watching a M*A*S*H tape. "Hey, y'know what? I'm bored. I think I'll have a martini with BJ and Hawkeye," the girl said to no one in particular. She pulled out an antique pocket watch and used her finger to change the year from 2004 to 1952.

      Her bedroom slowly disappeared from around her and faded into the setting of the Swamp.

      Two men sat on lounge chairs on either side of her, sipping martinis. _Cool,_ she thought to herself.

      "Damn!" BJ, the fair-haired man sitting to Lydia's left, whispered, throwing down the letter he was reading.

      "What the hell?" the other man, Hawkeye, asked.

      "Peg left me, dammit!" BJ replied.

      "Why?" Lydia asked, entering the conversation.

      "I don't know..."

      "The day just keeps getting worse..." Hawkeye stated, glancing at his watch, "See you guys later, I'm late for a date with Bigelow."

      BJ flopped down on his cot, sighing heavily. Before he knew it, he was bawling like a baby. Lydia sat by his side, holding his hand, trying to comfort him. Her efforts proved futile. There was no comforting him. The only woman he ever loved left him for the guy next door. _Damn him. Damn her, while I'm at it._

      A few days later, Lydia sat in the Swamp with Hawkeye and BJ. "Y'know what, guys? You should come back with me."

      "Whaddaya mean?" Hawkeye asked.

      "I mean, come back with me. Stateside, where I'm from," she explained.

      "Well, I'm sorry, Lyds, but we're permanent prisoners of a little thing they like to call the Korean War," the single doctor declared.

      "You don't have to be," the college student replied.

      "Huh?" BJ interjected.

      "Well," Lydia explained, "You can come with me, and no one will ever know you're gone."

      "Impossible! We'll be declared AWOL!" BJ exclaimed.

      "But nobody will know. You'll be fifty years away by the time they find out," Lydia said, fiddling with her watch.

      A few minutes later, the three of them were in Lydia's bedroom.

      "Wow!" Hawkeye exclaimed, "How'd you do that?"

      "Is it not obvious? It's all in the watch," Lydia replied, "Now don't touch anything or I'll break both your hands."

      "Yes, Mistress!" Hawkeye joked.

      "Shut up! Just a sec." She picked up her portable phone and dialed Daphne's telephone number.

      "Hello? DuBois residence," Her Australian accent greeted.

      "Daph! You'll never guess what I did!"

      "What'd ya do?"

      "Guess who I have in my bedroom right now!"

      "Umm...Hot Lips?" Daphne guessed.

      "Close. Hawk and Beej."

      "Really? Or are you just kidding around and hired two guys to play them?"

      "No, I really have Hawkeye Pierce and BJ Hunnicutt in my bedroom! And I don't mean Mike Farrell and Alan Alda, either."

      "Cool!" Daphne screamed.

      "Ow...Ears, Daph!"

      "I'll be right over," Daphne said and hung up.

      Daphne, a tall redhead, bearing a striking resemblance to Nicole Kidman (in her performance of Satine in Moulin Rouge) opened the door to Lydia's apartment building with ease. She ran up to her best friend's room. 

      "Hey," Lydia breathed, "What's up?"

      "Whaddaya think? Uhm..."

      "What?!"

      "Well, it _is _Hawkeye.." Daphne said.

      "Hey! I heard that!" Hawkeye yelled from the next room.

      "And besides," Lydia added, "I'm not sexually attracted to Hawkeye.

      "Oh," Daphne replied, in a manner similar to that of Nicole Kidman.

      "Isn't this cool?!"

      "Uhm, Lydia, you're not acting very Gothic."

      "I don't care! Hawkeye and BJ are in the next room!!!" Lydia screamed, jumping up and down with delight.

      "Why didn't you bring Chuckles?" Daphne screamed in reply.

      "Why, do you wish we had?" BJ replied.

      "Okay, come on," Lydia yelled, dragging Daphne into her bedroom.

      "Hawkeye; BJ; this...is my best friend Daphne," the Goth said, introducing her friend.

      "Hi, I'm Daphne, but you, like, already know that."

      Hawkeye and BJ stared blankly at Lydia, who was giddy with excitement.

      "So...you wanna go somewhere or something?" Lydia asked.


	2. A Night Out

Disclaimer: Satine, Zidler, Christian, and other Moulin Rouge characters belong to whomever the person is that created them and/or owns the rites to them. Franklin Marion "Ferret Face" Burns, Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Trapper John McIntyre, BJ Hunnicutt, Peg Hunnicutt, Sherman T. Potter, Charles Emerson Winchester III, Margaret Julia "Hot Lips" Houlihan, Kellye Nakahara, Linda Nuget, Walter Eugene "Radar" O'Riley, and any other M*A*S*H characters belong to Richard Hooker and/or Larry Gelbart. Daphne DuBois and Lydia Hollingsworth, however, are copyright 2002, and totally our property. We are not making any money off of this fiction. If we were, this would be a published book.

Chapter Two: A Night Out

      "So," Lydia said, "What do you think of our time?"

      Hawkeye shrugged. "Ehh...not bad...Too much sex in the media."  
      "You should talk! Who was the one who said, 'I am sex itself'?"

      "Well...that doesn't count."

      "The hell it does!" Daphne snapped. BJ sniggered at this.

      "She's right, y'know," he said.

      "Whose side are you on?!" Hawkeye scoffed.

      "I don't take sides. So there. (Raspberry!!)"

      Daphne and Lydia giggled at the two men's immaturity.

      The foursome spent the whole of the evening at a ritzy pub near Grand Central Station. Each was on their fourth or fifth drink when one by one they began to make complete fools of themselves.

      "Hey..." Hawkeye slurred, "Why don't we get a room?"

      "All four of us?" Lydia asked, on the verge of drunkenness herself, "Wouldn't that be a tight fit?"

      "Not you, you buffoon! Me and....that, that other girl. Your fliend. Da—something." Hawkeye leaned over toward Daphne, who was quietly sipping her non-alcoholic strawberry daiquiri, still sober.

      "How about......not." the redhead told him, dryly.

      BJ sat on the other side of Lydia, laughing quietly to himself, also still sober. He looked pityingly at Daphne. _Poor kid_, he thought, _being subjected to Hawkeye's 'tomfoolery.'_

      Lydia cackled loudly enough for the entire bar to feel the need to stare at her worriedly.

      "Um...excuse me...is there something you....like?" Daphne asked the general public, annoyed.

      "I dunnooo...why's the room spinning...? Stop it!" Lydia exclaimed, still laughing. Her eyes were glazed over with drunkenness, yet she ordered the bartender to "keep 'em coming!"

      "Stop it, now!!!!!!!!!! I'm serious, I'm getting dizzy!"

      The entire group laughed hysterically at Lydia, who had no idea what was so funny. Hawkeye collapsed on Daphne in a fit of laughter. Daphne did her best to keep from falling over as well. As did BJ and the bartender, who happened to be named Luke.

      Hours passed, as did rounds of drinks. By the end of the evening, each member of the foursome had either been overcome by the power of alcohol or the power of glucose.

      "Ahhh," Hawkeye said, "the Power of Booze."

      "Maybe...we...should go...home. I think we've had enough," Daphne said between laughing spasms.

      "I've got a better idea," Lydia suggested, "let's time travel!" The raven head whipped out her pocket watch and flipped it open.

      Immediately, the room became blurry, and sent the four spiraling in different directions into the time-space continuum.

      "Hey, Lyds, when're we going?" Daphne asked, just before she disappeared.

      "Uhm...I dunnooo..."


	3. Sweet, Sweet Misery

Disclaimer: Satine, Zidler, Christian, and other Moulin Rouge characters belong to whomever the person is that created them and/or owns the rites to them. Franklin Marion "Ferret Face" Burns, Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Trapper John McIntyre, BJ Hunnicutt, Peg Hunnicutt, Sherman T. Potter, Charles Emerson Winchester III, Margaret Julia "Hot Lips" Houlihan, Kellye Nakahara, Linda Nuget, Walter Eugene "Radar" O'Riley, and any other M*A*S*H characters belong to Richard Hooker and/or Larry Gelbart. Daphne DuBois and Lydia Hollingsworth, however, are copyright 2002, and totally our property. We are not making any money off of this fiction. If we were, this would be a published book.

Chapter Three: Sweet, Sweet Misery

      With a thud, NiNi and Satine landed on opposite sides of the Moulin Rouge dressing room. NiNi innocently sauntered over to Satine. She smiled smugly at her rival and said, "Good luck. Break a leg, literally."

      Satine smiled 'innocently' and silently walked up the stairs, making her way to the trapeze.

      Slowly, Franklin Zidler ushered men into his whorehouse, making sure each paid the cover charge. His favorite whore, known as 'Hot Lips,' clung loyally to his side.

      "Oh, Frank..." she mumbled.

      The show began, and NiNi opened with the Can-Can. Men applauded vigorously. Chiefly one with fair hair and a cheesy mustache, known only as BJ. Klingér danced along with the Diamond Dogs, hoping no one noticed his earrings.

      The dance came to a close as Zidler changed the sign from 'Can-Can' to the 'Sparkling Diamond.' The lights dimmed, and a single spotlight followed Satine down on the trapeze. Satine looked eagerly through the crowd, her gaze setting on an unfamiliar face. She stepped off the trapeze, and many men approached her with diamonds and flowers while she performed the song, "Diamonds Are A Girls Best Friend."

      Finally, the time came for Satine and Frank to 'go down,' shielded by the Diamond Dogs' skirts.

      "...meet me in the Red Room, close the door and dim the lights..."

      While Satine changed, Frank told her about a rich patron, called Benjamin Pierce, a Duke, who wished to experience her services.

      "Benjamin who?" Satine whispered, loud enough for only Franklin to hear.

      "Benjamin Pierce. Known to his close friends as Hawkeye."

      "Oh, shit..." the Sparkling Diamond muttered to herself.

      NiNi lingered by the aforementioned patron, BJ. She smiled coyly at him. Sitting on his lap, she asked, "Are you in the mood tonight?" BJ winked in response.

      "I believe you've been expecting me," Satine said breathlessly.

      The Duke lustily stared at Satine in her black corset and sheer black robe.

      "Ferret Face said we could, uh, have a private meeting."

      "A private meeting, eh?"

      "Yeah, I thought it would be better to do it in private."

      "Well...why don't we get it over and done with?"

      "Why rush? I like these things to last forever," Hawkeye replied, dazedly.

      "Oh." In her mind, Satine was screaming.

      "Would you like some champagne?"

      "Uhm...sure." _I'll need it,_ Satine thought.

      "A little nervous, are we? I know the perfect prescription for that. Two glasses of champagne and nudge me in the morning."

      Satine rolled her eyes, "Of course I'm not nervous." _You twit._

      "Good."

      "Are you sure you don't want to...start?" Satine asked quietly.

      "Slowly, slowly, Diamond. It's too nice of a job to rush."

      In her mind Satine screamed, _Then what the fuck do you wanna do?!_

      Meanwhile, in the Black Room, NiNi entertained her newest patron. "Oohh..." NiNi moaned. She pushed BJ off her, and he landed on the floor. Not satisfied, he went back for more.

      After many fruitless efforts, Satine finally convinced Pierce to 'start.' Satine lay on the bed, severely faking it.

      "Oh, Hawkeye, oh, Hawkeye; Oh, oh, oh, Hawkeye..."

      Franklin and the Duke sat in the Breakfast Hall, discussing an important matter.

      "She'd me mine, right, Ferret Face?" Pierce asked, eagerly.

      "Completely and totally," Zidler replied. Hawkeye laughed giddily as he signed the papers given to him by Frank.

      Under the table, Hot Lips ran her bare foot up and down Zidler's pant leg. He did his best to keep from giggling hysterically.

      At the other end of the overwhelmingly long table, Satine and the four Diamond Dogs shared success and horror stories over bowls of oatmeal and raisins.

      "Last night was a nightmare!" Satine exclaimed to Mome Foarge.

      "Welcome to the club," Mome said, "I didn't get a single taker last night."

      "It's not that," Satine replied, "It's just that mine was _awful_. Dreadful, even. I didn't know such a disgusting creature existed on the face of the earth."

      "Oh," NiNi taunted, "Was Duke Charming not-so-charming?"

      "An _animal_!" the Sparkling Diamond answered, ignoring NiNi's smugness.

      "Eww..." China Doll interjected, her mouth full of oatmeal.

      "Don't talk with your mouthful, you doofus!" Arabia ordered, whacking the former over the head with a piece of toast.

      "Oh, hey, I wrote a new verse to the song." NiNi announced, pulling a piece of paper out from under the table. Putting on a pair of glasses that were skillfully hidden in her cleavage, NiNi sang, "Meet me in the bedroom, close the door and dim the lights. I will be yours truly if indeed the price is right. Sell your soul; be my king. Let your passions rise and sing! Just show me the diamonds and I'll let you wear my ring."

      "Give me that!" Satine whispered, grabbing the fan out of China Doll's hand. Flipping it open, she smiled coyly at Pierce. With large swoops, Satine fanned the whole group.

      "Let you wear my ring?" asked Arabia, perplexed.

      "Okay, okay," NiNi said, "It's not the best expression ever, but who actually pays attention to the lyrics, anyway?"

      Satine laughed and said, "You guys, why did ever become rivals...?"

      The four Diamond Dogs stared blankly at each other. China Doll shrugged, as she did to most questions. Arabia though for a moment, then replied, "I dunno."

      "Good question," Mome chuckled. NiNi sighed, thinking deeply.

      "Uhm...I forget now, but I know there was a good reason."

      "Well, can we forget about it an become friends again?" Satine requested, "I'm getting sick of this whole rivalry thing. I mean even Hot Lips is satisfied with her place. Go figure."

      Mome, Arabia, and China Doll all nodded. "Yeah, whatever," NiNi agreed. Satine's jaw dropped. And like China Doll, she was hit over the head with a piece of toast.

      "Lydia...?"


	4. Remebering

Disclaimer: Satine, Zidler, Christian, and other Moulin Rouge characters belong to whomever the person is that created them and/or owns the rites to them. Franklin Marion "Ferret Face" Burns, Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Trapper John McIntyre, BJ Hunnicutt, Peg Hunnicutt, Sherman T. Potter, Charles Emerson Winchester III, Margaret Julia "Hot Lips" Houlihan, Kellye Nakahara, Linda Nuget, Walter Eugene "Radar" O'Riley, and any other M*A*S*H characters belong to Richard Hooker and/or Larry Gelbart. Daphne DuBois and Lydia Hollingsworth, however, are copyright 2002, and totally our property. We are not making any money off of this fiction. If we were, this would be a published book.

Chapter Four: Remembering

      "What?" NiNi absent-mindedly answered. The three other Dogs stared at her. Mome twirled her dark brown hair, confusedly. This time, Arabia's jaw dropped, and China Doll hit her over the head with piece of toast.

      "Lydia Hollingsworth, Daphne DuBois' best friend?"

      "Uhm...I think so," NiNi replied.

      "Lyds, it's me, Daphne..."

      "But I thought she was...?" Mome began, before being hit over the head with a piece of toast.

      "Oh. Wow. That's.... quite unusual," NiNi said. She, also, was hit over the head with a piece of toast. "What?! Don't hit me! You, you, you...buffoon!"

      Satine burst out laughing. The Duke and 'Ferret Face' Zidler looked in her direction to make sure she was all right.

      "Yes, Frank, my dear Duke?"

      "Is something the matter?" Zidler asked.

      "Nothing! No, no..." Satine replied.

      NiNi's eyelids shot up, as if a light bulb were being switched on in her brain. "Quick, Da-- I mean, Satine, what's the Duke's real name?"

      "Uh...Pierce."

      "Hawkeye's the Duke!" NiNi yelled. The entire room stared at her, laughing. _Eww..._ NiNi thought,_ Daphne had sex with Hawkeye..._ "And if Hawkeye's the Duke, then my customer last night was…" she left the thought unfinished. _BJ. _"Cool."

      "Yeah, eww.." Satine replied to NiNi's thought.


	5. Come What May

Disclaimer: Satine, Zidler, Christian, and other Moulin Rouge characters belong to whomever the person is that created them and/or owns the rites to them. Franklin Marion "Ferret Face" Burns, Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Trapper John McIntyre, BJ Hunnicutt, Peg Hunnicutt, Sherman T. Potter, Charles Emerson Winchester III, Margaret Julia "Hot Lips" Houlihan, Kellye Nakahara, Linda Nuget, Walter Eugene "Radar" O'Riley, and any other M*A*S*H characters belong to Richard Hooker and/or Larry Gelbart. Daphne DuBois and Lydia Hollingsworth, however, are copyright 2002, and totally our property. We are not making any money off of this fiction. If we were, this would be a published book. Also, none of the songs used in this chapter were written by us. They are solely the property of their respective creators. For a detailed list of the songs used in this chapter, contact the Two Drunk Sicilians at Brainychick2304@aol.com

Chapter Five: Come What May

Satine left the Breakfast Hall, and went to the Elephant. A man resembling Christian waited for her. Satine walked into the Elephant and exhaled loudly._Damn_, she thought,****_it's good to get away..._****

      Her thoughts were interrupted by a crash. A man of about her age grinned at her. "Umm...who are you?" she asked.

      "I'm one of Radar LeTrek's friends. He requested I meet you. I am a writer, possibly for your show. My name... is Christian," he said.

      "Oh,"

      "Yes, umm...would you like to hear what I have written?" he asked.

      "Oh, yes, of course," she replied. Christian looked at her with loving eyes. He had already fallen in love with this beautiful creature of the Underworld.

      "'My gift is my song and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song

It may be quite simple but now that it's done

I hope you don't mind

I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is while you're in the world

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss

Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross

But the sun's been kind while I wrote this song

It's for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do

You see I've forgotten if they're green or there blue

Anyway the thing is what I really mean

Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

And you can tell everybody that this is your song

It may be quite simple but now that it's done

I hope you don't mind

I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is while you're in the world

Hope you don't mind

I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is while you're in the world'" Christian sang. 

      The courtesan smiled. "That's beautiful, Christian. I'm sure Frank will love it. I.. I've never had a man sing to me like..._that,_" she told him. Though she had known him but five minutes, she, too, was in love.

      "I...wrote it. Umm...so..Do I have the job?" Christian asked.

      "I can't decide that...but, I'm sure Zidler will love it. Come back in two hours, okay?"

      "Okay," Christian bowed and said goodbye. Satine waved and looked around the room. Christian was..perfect. He was all she needed.

      Satine walked up the steps to the top of the elephant. She sat down on the seat that Frank installed for her, it was her favorite seat. She was feeling suffocated. Pierce was definitely not her type. She usually went for poets, _like Christian_. 

"I follow the night, Can't stand the light  
When will I begin, to live again?  
One day I'll fly away,  
leave all this to yesterday, what more could your Love do for me? When will Love be through with me? Why live life from dream to dream? And dread the day when dreaming ends...  
One day I'll fly away, Leave all this to yesterday,

Why live life from dream to dream? And dread the day when dreaming ends...  
One day I'll fly away, fly, fly away," she sang, her voice surprising her.  

      "That...that's beautiful." A male's voice said.

      "Oh..shit!" Satine cursed, jumping up and turning around, "Christian. You will excuse my...cursing?"

      "Yes, yes. I just wanted to talk to you."

      "Umm..Franklin shall arrive later. So, we can all talk then," she said, moving down the stairs. She pulled China Doll's fan from her cleavage, and snapped it open.

      "Love is a many spelendored thing, Love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love," the writer sang.

      "Please, don't start that again," Satine sang in reply.

      "All you need is love." 

      "A girl has got to eat!"

      "All you need is love."

      "Or she'll end up on the street."

      "All you need is love!"

      "Love is just a game."

      "I was made for lovin' you baby, you were made for lovin' me,"

      "The only way you're lovin' me **baby**, Is to pay a lovely fee,"

      "Just one night, just one night,"

      "There's no way, Cause you can't pay,"

      "In the name of love, one night in the name of love."

      "You crazy fool, I won't give in to you."

      "Don't... leave me this way, I can't survive, without your sweet love, oh baby, don't leave me this way."

      "You'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs."

      "I look around me, and I see it isn't so, no.."

      "Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs."

      "Well, what's wrong with that? I'd like to know, 'cause here I go again! Love lifts us up where we belong, where eagles fly on a mountain high.."

      "Love makes us act like we are fools, throw our lives away, for one happy day..."

      "We could be heroes, just for one night.."

      "You, you will be mean."

      "No, I won't."

      "And I-- I'll drink all the time." She said, reaching the bottom of the stairs.

      "We should be lovers!"

      "We can't do that."

      "We should be lovers, and that's a fact.."

      "No, nothing will keep us together."

      "We could steal time, just for one day..."

      "We could be heroes, Forever and ever, we could be heroes, Forever and ever, we could be heroes.."

      "Just because I will always love you!!"

      "I can't help loving you... How wonderful life is.."

      "Now, you're in the world!" they sang in unison. The couple leaned in and kissed. 

      Ben Pierce walked into they room and was surprised to see 'the writer' and 'his property' kissing. He slammed the door. "What the hell? Satine, what _are_ you doing?" He asked in rage and shock .

      "I-- We were rehearsing!" Satine said, louder than she wanted.

      "Yes, the Penniless...Penniless Sitar player and the Hindu Courtesan fall in love. It's in my story. The story for the play Frank Zidler is putting on." He added. 

      Just as they were talking, Radar LeTrek and his friends walked in, NiNi with them.

      "What are they doing here?" Pierce asked, astounded.

      "We're rehearsing!!" NiNi said, coming to Satine's defense, "Is that right?" She looked questioningly at Satine.

      Ferret Face decided check up on Satine. She seemed distant that morning. He opened the door to the Red Room and looked in. "What, what's going on?"

      "Frank, hasn't anyone told you about the **emergency rehearsal**?" Satine answered.

      "Emergency rehearsal-- No, no. But why?"

      "To..."

      "Show us how much work were going to need to do," NiNi answered for her.

      "Yes, yes.  _Spectacular Spectacular_!" Christian added.      "Spectacular Spectacular! No words in the vernacular can describe this great event. You'll be dumb with wonderment; returns are fixed at ten percent. You must agree that's excellent. And on top of your fee," Zidler sang.

      "You'll be involved artistically!" NiNi, Christian, and Satine sang.

      "What do you mean by that?" Hawkeye asked.

      "So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer. So delighting, it will run for fifty years! So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer. So delighting, it will run for fifty years!" Everyone sang in unison. Pierce remained quiet, shocked by their ability to rhyme so quickly.

      "Elephants!" Radar added.

      "Bohemians!" NiNi shouted.

      "Indians!" Zidler yelled.

      "And Courtesans," Satine sang, wrapping her arms around herself.

      "Acrobats!" Mulcahy added.

      "And juggling bears!" Radar screamed.

      "Exotic girls!" Trapper whispered.

      "Fire eaters, muscle men, contortionists, intrigue, danger!" the group sang.

      "And romance!" Christian added.

      "Electric lights, machinery!"

      "And all that electricity!" Zidler boomed.

      "So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer. So delighting, it will run for fifty years! So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer. So delighting, it will run for fifty years, Spectacular, Spectacular! No words in the vernacular, can describe this great event. You'll be dumb with wonderment; the hills are alive, with the sound of music... So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer. So delighting, it will run for fifty years! So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer. So delighting, it will run for fifty years!" the group sang, heading in every which-way to make a mock stage. 

      Satine and Trapper were holding hands in the middle of the stage waiting for Christian to begin the story. "The courtesan and sitar man are pulled apart by an evil plan," Christian began.

      "But in the end she hears his song," Satine added.

      "And their love is just too strong," the writer's tenor voice replied.

      "It's a little bit funny this feeling inside," Pierce sang, off key, to Satine.

      "So exciting, the audience will stop and cheer. So delighting, it will run for fifty years!" The grouped added, a little annoyed at Pierce's interruption.

      "The sitar player's secret song helps them flee the evil one, Though the tyrant rants and rails it is all to no avail," Christian continued.

      "I am the evil maharaja, you will not escape!" Franklin sang, in reply to Christian's hint.

      "Oh, Frank, no one could play him like you could!" Satine exclaimed.

      "No one's going to!" Zidler replied.

      "So exciting, will make them laugh, will make them cry. So delighting..." The group sang.

      "And in the end should someone die?" Hawkeye asked.

      "So exciting, the audience will stomp and cheer. So delighting, it will run for fifty years!" they finished the song, ignoring the Duke's question.

      "Generally... I like it," Pierce replied and smiled lustily at Satine. Everyone cheered.

      "My dear Hawk, let us go discuss the play," Frank suggested, leading the Duke out of Satine's room.

      Satine smiled at everyone. "Thanks for the save, everyone. You're the best. I suppose you would like to go party... Christian needs to... write. Bye all," Satine said, ushering everyone out of her room.

      "Satine, I love you." 

      "I love you too, Christian."

      "A...friend of LeTrek's wrote this song, but I want to  dedicate it to you. Now don't laugh, there's still some glitches."

      "I won't." Satine said and smiled.

      "If I were a painter, mixing my colors,  
how could I ever find, the blue of your eyes?  
The canvas can never, capture the light of your smile,  
And girl, if I were a sculptor, working in marble,  
I couldn't hope, to copy your perfect face,  
The curve of your body, the feel of your skin  
My hands could never, ever, trace,

So I'll try and find a melody as beautiful as you,  
Find the words to say your eyes are bluer than blue,  
Fill my voice with the emotion I'm feeling for you,  
And now, when the beat is so strong,  
I'll give my heart in a song,

If I were an actor, I could be someone,  
Someone who'd always know, the right things to say,  
But as soon as I'd see you, I'd forget all my lines,  
And you'll never know, what I feel inside, 

So I'll try and find a melody as beautiful as you,  
Find the words to say your eyes are bluer than blue,  
Fill my voice with the emotion I'm feeling for you,  
And now, when the beat is so strong,  
I'll give my heart in a song,

There's no other way,   
That I know to say,  
Baby, how much I love you,  
And if you'll only give me a chance,

I'll give my heart in a song, you know I'm not a painter, actor, baby,  
it don't matter,   
Oh, you're so beautiful, give you my heart in a song," Christian sang, meaning every word. He looked at Satine smiling at him.                "When I think, how life used to be,  
Always walking in the shadows,   
Then I look at what you've given me,  
I feel like dancing on my tip-toes I must say, everyday I pray,   
When I realize you're by my side,  
I know I'm truly...    
Blessed for everything you've given me,   
Blessed for all the tenderness you show,   
Do my best with every breath that's in me,   
Blessed to make sure you never go, 

There are times that I test your faith,  
'Till you think you might surrender,  
Baby, I'm not ashamed to say,   
That my hopes will grow in splendor,

You walked by in the nick of time,   
Looking like an answered prayer,   
you know I'm truly...                                 

Blessed for everything you've given me,   
blessed for all the tenderness you show,   
Do my best with every breath that's in me,  
blessed to make sure you never go,

Blessed with love and understanding,   
Blessed when I hear you call my name,  
Do my best with faith that's never-ending,   
Blessed to make sure you feel the same,

Deep inside, you fill me with your tender touch," the Sparkling Diamond sang. Christian's eyes lit up. He was truly happy. "I have to go write the story, but I love you," Christian said, smiling. Satine kissed him. When the writer was gone, the courtesan sighed and sat on her bed.


	6. Ta Dum! The Credits!

MoulinMASH  
  
THE CAST  
  
Starring:  
  
Daphne DuBois as Satine  
  
Christian as Himself  
  
Hawkeye Pierce as The Duke  
  
Frank Burns as Herald Zidler  
  
Radar O'Riley as T. LaTrek  
  
Father Mulcahy as Satey the Musician  
  
Maxwell Q. Klinger as Choclat  
  
Trapper John McIntyre as the 'Argentinian'  
  
  
And as the Diamond Dogs:  
  
Lydia Hollingsworth as Roxanne 'NiNi Legs in the Air'  
  
Kellye Nakahara as Mome Froage  
  
Linda Nuget as 'Arabia'  
  
Soon Lee Han Klinger as 'China Doll'  
  
  
As Other Whores:  
  
Margaret Houlihan as 'Hot Lips'  
  
  
As Other Patrons:  
  
BJ Hunnicutt  
  
Sherman T. Potter  
  
Charles Emmerson Winchester III  
  
Igor Straminsky  
  
Zelmo Zale  
  
Luther Rizzo  
  
  
THE CREW  
  
Written by:  
  
Chapter One: Daphne and Celeste  
  
Chapter Two: see above  
  
Chapter Three: see above  
  
Chapter Four: Celeste  
  
Chapter Five: Daphne  
  
  
Proofread and edited by: Celeste and Microsoft Word  
  
  
Brought to you in part by: Absolut Vodka(R) and cheap genric brand sake  
  
  
Special Thanks to: Celeste's family, for staying out of the way, and FX, for playing a 24 hour M*A*S*H marathon. 


End file.
